BEN BERNANKE

Hello there, Spencer.
I see you, you boy, boy.
I see you, Spencer.
With my eyes.

You’re the architect of my dreams, Spencer.
You plan them, and build them on blue paper,
and hand them to me.

And then I dream them Spencer,
That’s what you do for me.
Thank you for that, Spencer.
You prick.


I’m a magician, Spencer.
A furious magician.

Ooooh.


Avada kedavra, Spencer.
To you, Spencer.
Avada kedavra to you, Spencer.

You think you’re something special, Spencer?
You think you’re something brand new?
Well you’re old oats, Spencer.
You’re old, dry, stale oats, Spencer.


I’m a magician, Spencer.
A furious magician.

Ooooh.


You’re a tall glass of water aren’t you, Spencer?
You boy, precious boy.
I’m Ben Bernanke, Spencer,
and I want your teeth
for the Federal Reserve.
I’m cutting interest rates in half, Spencer,
and I need your teeth.


I’ll admit, Spencer, you’re handsome.
But what have you done with it?
You think you can mock me, Spencer?
Do you?

Do you think you can mock me, Spencer?
Do you think you can capture my essence
and throw it back at me with
humor and rhetorical devices?

Well, you can’t, Spencer.
You don’t know what I’m capable of.
I need your teeth
for my Lonely Hearts Club Band, Spencer.
Ben Bernanke.


I’m a magician, Spencer.
A furious magician.
Oooh.


Are you proud of your country?
Are you proud of your country?

I’ll bet you are,
you pretty little boy...
Sitting up there in your high chair
demanding more applesauce.


You’ve already got enough applesauce, Spencer.
There’s plenty of applesauce on your plate.


I’m going to kiss you, Spencer,
on the lips.
You sexy little rattlesnake.
You naughty little baby boy.
You rambunctious little infant.
My mother tries to get me to go on dates, Spencer.
You know what that’s like?
You know how humiliating that is, Spencer?

You boy, Spencer.

Spencer...

Spencer.

Spencer...


OH MY GOD!


You tall drink of water, Spencer.


I’m a magician, Spencer.
A furious magician.
Oooh.

I’m a magician, Spencer.
A furious magician.
Magician...
Magician...


I love you, Spencer.
I’m gonna spank you silly.